life and death

it's really hard to understand the fragility of life until you've come into contact with death...

i've not come close to it, thank god. But hearing stories about people around me who suddenly pass away without any reason or rhyme jolts me into thinking about how i can live my life better. recently a friend of a friend passed away. I've never met him but I'm sure he's a great guy. He was just having dinner with his mom when he suddenly collapsed and by the time the paramedics came, he was already brain dead. I just learnt that the parents had agreed to take him off the machines and now he's gone forever. it was just a short span of a week. i felt rather disturbed...

it's too easy to die.
not too easy to live but let's make living a good one!

21

21st came and the celebrations went quickly... it's now back to life..

somehow, like a soothing balm, the strike of midnight took away all the weariness, the bitterness...
i think i've renewed myself... slowly but surely... i'm anew..
he belongs to the space called memories in my mind, occasionally surfacing as i sleep but disappearing as soon as dawn breaks...
i live through each day now, appreciating the people around me more, and making sure i celebrate each little achievement of the day...

2 more days...

well, it's been ages since i last updated. clearly age has caught up on me and blogging seems like a thing of yester-year... it literally is considering i only started blogging last year when i first came to london. in two more days, i'll be a year older and less inclined to blog.

the year's passed really quickly and the start of school didn't bring much other than the fact that i've been quite busy. the wierd thing is i can't remember why i was so busy.

there are things that remain embedded in my mind, etched painfully here and there, un-erasable and i just keep adding on to that emotional baggage with all the impulsive things i do. I find that i'm always doing things on the spur and i don't think too much of the consequences. and then i'll vehemently defend myself as if i had the right to do the things i do. but as usual, i don't think too much and this is something i'll probably bring well into when i'm 21.

i have the right to make myself feel better, regardless of what i do. and i have no regrets. even if it hurts at the end. because it doesn't matter when it seems like i am just an unreal, false, numbed existence.